Embracing The Crazy
I really thought my blogging days were over.
As 2015 drew to a close I pretty much decided that I wouldn't blog anymore. I started making plans to move to a new website that didn't have a blog attached to it and instead put my time and energy into designing, podcasting and my newsletter. I talked about it to other designers and they said that this past year I've turned from a blogger who sometimes designs into a designer who sometimes blogs. I agreed.
That change is good. I do feel like I'm a designer now rather than a blogger. It took a while and I still secretly wait for people to giggle when I say "I design knitting patterns" ... but I've grown into the idea and (mostly) I can say stuff like that without getting too flustered. I've had a ball this past year designing and publishing my patterns. My instagram following has grown enormously and it's a great space to give you daily snippets of what I'm up to. I've started a podcast to talk to you about what I'm making and introduce you to some of the cool people I'm meeting and my newsletter has been a fun place to talk to you about my passion of handmade clothes. All in all, I have grown other ways to talk to you and I decided that my blog had become a little redundant.
But over Christmas I had second thoughts.
I was reflecting on how it's been a fascinating journey growing into a fledgling designer, starting a business and beginning this next phase of my life. And it really is the next phase of my life. I left my paid career in mid-2002 when I had my first baby and, until March 2015, I was a full-time stay at home mum to my growing family. I absolutely loved staying home. I never regretted stopping work, I completely embraced motherhood and homemaking. I made wonderful friends, threw myself into volunteer work that could involve my babies and small children and felt like I was growing enormously and doing something really valuable and important.
Even though I was ready for a change when my youngest baby started school and I was excited to be taking Truly Myrtle into new and exciting places, I wasn't prepared at all for the huge changes I would experience personally this past year.
I feel like I have gone though a complete metamorphosis and I'm not sure it's quite over yet.
I've struggled with feelings of inadequacy, compared myself to others, relished in getting my brain whirling faster, despaired at how quickly the hours fly, doubted myself, felt incredibly vulnerable, devoured all the small business information I could get my hands on, loved planning, organising and getting work done and wondered a lot about exactly who I am now, am I good enough and what on earth I'm trying to say. But, I didn't really feel like talking about it because it was all a bit raw and to be honest I thought it seemed a bit silly. I worried I needed to be a super duper professional and slick designer and talking about my challenges was not relevant and would be shooting myself in the foot. I told myself I had to suffer in private and just get over it.
And then, over Christmas I was suddenly struck with the urge to write some of this down. Talk in a bit more detail about some of the revelations I've had. Share with you some of my trickier feelings and talk about a whole bunch of other stuff too, like my new favourite needles and the ways I've found to soothe wrists that are sore from knitting. I don't know what changed. Maybe I'm tired of trying to be something I'm not. I'm a loud, chatty, opinionated and passionate person who talks a lot and has absolutely no qualms about sharing my personal struggles if it helps people feel better about theirs. I suddenly realised that it if I was going to invest blood, sweat and tears into Truly Myrtle I better do it as I really am. Honestly. Does it really matter whether you decide I'm neurotic, deluded and more than a bit nuts? Will you still buy my patterns? I don't know. I guess I'll find out ;)
So, I'm coming back. Blogging has been so good to me and I'm not done yet. It's helped me grow to love writing in a way I never expected. Once upon a time I sat in school and thought I wasn't a good writer. I didn't like it much - all I wanted to do was art and maths. And then I ended up doing a law degree (go figure) and I learnt a little of how to write from my boss in the UK who opened my eyes to the idea of writing with my own voice. Years went by before I started blogging but over the past three or so years, slowly but surely, regularly writing in this space became a really helpful way to think aloud and clear my thoughts.
I've made a long list of topics I'd like to talk about. Some are a bit esoteric. I'm not sure whether to pick and choose from that list or just start at the top and work my way down. I guess I'll see how I feel on any given day. Of course, I'll inevitably also write about what's right in front of my nose because that's what I really love to do and one thing I'd like to do is rethink how I respond to you. In the past, I've written back to you via email and it's been lovely to get to know lots of you a little more privately. But, I'm going to start writing to you right here on the blog, in the comments. So if you're feeling brave enough to tell me your ideas and thoughts about what I'm talking about, do! And, if a conversation develops right here in the comments, that'd be great too.
Righto, to kick things off I'll give you a post next week - and then hopefully, once a week after that.
Talk soon xxx
